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David had a girlfriend?"David?" Harvey called into the darkness. He wrapped the towel around himself and returned to the living room. "I'm sorry, David. I'm sorry for what I did to you. Are you in here, David?" Harvey then reached for the light switch.The lights revealed lunacy. Every available inch on the walls and ceilings were plastered with posters. Posters of Krysti Angel. Garbage littered the tables and chairs, made of fast food bags and wrappers.In the center of the room was David, who had disposed of his clothes. He was now wearing the coat Harvey had just removed, and he was now trying unsuccessfully to pull Harvey's miniskirt onto his large male frame."David?" Harvey asked.David's head jerked up to meet Harvey's eyes. "I'm Krysti Angel." David said."David?" Harvey asked again."NO!!!" David screeched at the top of his lungs. "I'm Krysti Angel! I'm Krysti and no one else!!" He leapt at Harvey's face with his claws. "You're all impostors!"Harvey ran a few steps away to get. It's one of his few shortcomings.Please advise,Mrs GodzillaDear Mrs GodzillaNow, this is one of the problems that bedevil even the most perfect of relationships. Day after day you find yourself upside down hanging from the garden swing, your dress hem fluttering about your burning face as your exposed and gushing lady regions are being brought to endless ecstatic release all in the name of a loving relationship. Yet dare to mention an unsatisfied longing for that most basic of emotional care-giving, a hug, and it's just endless excuses about your fiery, paint-stripper breath and death-ray stare. What I've discovered, Mrs Godzilla, is that if you want a hug you should take a hug and if that requires minor instances of domestic violence then so be it. My strategy is to go for the reverse hug. Strappy armed, I sneak up from behind, slide my arms around to grab a tight and twisty grip on any available nipple nuts, ram the strappy deep into any available orifice, and clamp on to the neck.
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